Musk’s Genius Spawns “Smellevision”
Starlink Customers Can Now Experience SeX Through Their Devices
ALVISO, CA — In what may go down as the most nose-forward innovation since scratch-and-sniff stickers, Elon Musk has done it again—this time delivering a true "SeX"perience to Starlink customers across the globe.
Yes, you read that right: “SeX is in the air.” — or at least “ON the air”.
The obscure, Alviso-based Musk venture “Sensory X”—affectionately (and somewhat questionably) branded as “SeX”—has launched a release candidate of its satellite-delivered scent-broadcasting technology. The beta offering currently features just three fragrances, but each one packs more punch than a congressional ethics hearing.
"Gwen" is a scent inspired by Gwyneth Paltrow’s Goop empire, this fragrance reportedly blends notes of jasmine, moonlight, and whatever a $75 candle smells like after being lit in a meditation yurt.
Another fragrance, "Jerry" is based, and we quote, on the "actual aroma of Congressman Jerry Nadler (D–New York)," this one is said to carry undertones of musty subway upholstery, political gridlock, and brisket. Lots of brisket.
Finally, users can get a taste "Gwen & Jerry”– For the adventurous olfactory thrill-seeker, this mashup combines the earthy sensuality of Gwen with the raw legislative funk of Jerry, all wrapped up in a vaguely ice-cream-themed top note. It's Ben & Jerry’s meets… well, train wreck.
Though still in beta, these scents are already accessible to anyone with a Starlink subscription or the new “Starlink for Phone” service, a move that raised eyebrows—and nostrils. Eligible customers should receive a text opening the test on Tuesday, April 1st.
Former Congressman and full-time fabulist George Santos chimed in, saying, “I can’t speak to Gwyneth Paltrow’s scent, but Musk really nailed Nadler.” Santos, of course, once famously declared Nadler the "smelliest person in Congress," a claim that finally appears to have a delivery mechanism.
According to a product manager at Sensory X (who asked to remain anonymous but smelled faintly of both cedar and embarrassment), SeX will roll out fully within the next year as an opt-in feature for Starlink subscribers. A surcharge will apply, because if you’re smelling Congress, you should definitely be paying for it.
But the nose knows no bounds: while the current release candidate is only available through the Starlink satellite system, engineers are reportedly developing a Sensory X add-on for Musk’s social platform X, which could enable users to “sniff the vibe” of tweets in real time.
Imagine scrolling your timeline and catching a whiff of desperation, Axe body spray, or day-old avocado toast—now made possible by the same guy who brought you flamethrowers, space internet, and lawsuits.
So whether you're a scent connoisseur, a tech enthusiast, or just someone with more curiosity than common sense, one thing is clear: “Elon Musk is determined to make your digital life smell just as weird as your real one.”
Drop a comment below:
Which SeX scent are “you” brave enough to try first—Gwen, Jerry, or the forbidden cocktail of Gwen & Jerry? Or should Elon stop sniffing around and go back to rockets?