Moloch Has Not Endorsed Harris
DNC may tip his hand
In spite of the GOP’s policy shift toward the pro-choice position, Moloch the god of child sacrifice has yet to endorse a candidate in the 2024 presidential race. Pro-life activists are expressing growing dismay at Donald Trump’s recent pro-abortion stance after he posted a commitment to the pro-choice community that he will be a great president for women’s “reproductive rights.” Moloch has been mulling an unprecedented endorsement of a GOP candidate. “We came close to an endorsement of Republican Mitt Romney in hopes of driving the GOP further toward the Ritual but our temporal agency, Planned Parenthood was prospering under his Democrat opponent,” a Moloch spokesdemon explained.
The spokesdemon said the recently concluded Democratic National Convention may have tipped Moloch’s hand in favor of Kamala Harris thanks to the party’s active displays in favor of child sacrifice — including parades of Democratic delegates dressed as abortion pills and a mobile child extermination clinic. More than that, Harris’ refusal to support any limitation to abortion and her party’s commitment to certain perinatal abortions outweigh the Republicans’ abandoning pro-life language in their platform and having the most pro-abortion presidential candidate since Romney.
Chat GPT weighed in with a possible reason for Moloch to hold off on a presidential endorsement: “You could imagine Moloch's endorsement being used metaphorically to highlight the intense, sometimes ruthless nature of political ambition and the sacrifices made in the pursuit of power,” the AI chatbot explained. “It would certainly stir a lot of conversation and likely be interpreted as a commentary on the high cost of political leadership rather than a literal endorsement.” Ultimately, the purpose of an endorsement would not be to support the candidate herself, but to potentially extend the increase in child sacrifices for up to sixteen years. “The best we could hope for under Trump is four years,” the spokesdemon said, “J.D. Vance is not likely to carry that particular torch for us.”1
Portions of this satirical article and the accompanying graphic were generated by AI