Claims that president Biden will be drugged for the debate may be rooted in reality, but not in the way such claims imply.

Rather than breaking into his son’s stash, Biden is likely being treated with medications not uncommon for a person his age who has dementia. He’ll likely need a combination of drugs that can mitigate his diminished cognitive function while not causing him to lose the energy needed to stand for 90 minutes.

Unlike Trump, who has continued campaigning the president has been sequestered in a cabin at Camp David where a team of more than 16 people are working on debate preparations. Leaks from Camp David seem to indicate he is practicing complex debate skills like standing, trying to remember the key digs and talking points, and according to at least one doctor (who is not in position to know) testing various combinations of drugs and nutraceuticals to make him appear cognizant.

The bar has been set so low that Biden only needs to finish the debate standing up and leave the stage without a serious fall. Having a pulse apparently is also a plus. Assuming his medical team succeeds and Biden remembers his lines, CNN moderators will take care of the rest. Friday morning, the narrative that a spry Biden handed Trump’s posterior to him in a shocking victory will be the basis for not needing any further debates where Trump’s alleged Nazi propaganda would be platformed.

The rest is up to water main breaks and enough cardboard to cover the windows at certain vote tabulation centers.